Recovering alcoholic trust dating
You may even have agreed to loan them money, buy them a car, overlooked their curfew or convinced yourself it was just a “little white lie.” You may have spent countless hours defending yourself against accusations, such as, “you always put the children first” or “what, don’t you trust me” or “if you’d try a little harder to be kind and loving” or “how hard is it to cook a decent meal” or “can’t a guy stop with his buddies after work” or ________________________ . The answer is simple AND oh so hard, “You must first learn to trust yourself.” As crazy as that sounds, it’s true. The only way you’ve gotten to the place you are in in your relationship with your alcoholic | addict loved one is your belief that you are dealing with your loved one’s true self (the person before drinking | drugging that you’re initially convinced and eventually pray will emerge and end the nightmare).
You do not realize that as long as your loved one drinks or drugs in any amount (assuming they are an addict | alcoholic), you will NEVER be able to trust them. Because, sadly, their lying, stealing, cheating and other untrustworthy behaviors are part of their brain disease. And how in the heck are you supposed to learn to trust yourself?
I grew up without talking about this disease, and didn't realize its severity until someone I loved suffered.
It's a serious issue, and it's about time we start talking about the real consequences of alcoholism. I was enjoying my last weeks as an undergraduate and had just returned to my hometown after taking a vacation.
Until then, I am not going to talk about any of this.” Your reply really can be short and sweet.
As for a self-assessment for drug use patterns, here is the National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence (NCADD)’s questionnaire, “Am I Drug Addicted?
” And please know – not everyone whose behaviors change when they drink or drug is an addict | alcoholic.
In fact there are far more alcohol or drug abusers than there are addicts | alcoholics.
But just know – truly – taking steps to take back your life – to trust yourself – will be the best thing you can do for your relationship with your addict | alcoholic loved one and for yourself.
I’ll leave you with one last post link because of the resources it shares that may help you with this effort, “First Things First – When Recovery From Addiction Feels Overwhelmingly Difficult, Keep It Simple.” It’s not possible, nor should you, trust your addict | alcoholic loved one until s/he makes the decision to get help (and there are many ways they can be helped, by the way).